Last night changed me. I don’t know how much, yet. Fuck, I don’t even really know how. But I feel different. I’m going to give you all the picture I promised and a few thoughts. I’ll leave the rest for a future post when I have had more time to process.
Ok, surfacey thoughts and initial reactions:
- I love these shoes. I wore them for over six hours, and was dancing in them for over two of those hours. Fishnets? Those hurt towards the end by digging into my skin. The shoes? No pain! So proud of this.
- I love feeling beautiful. And makeup was a big part of that.
- 95% or more of the comments people made to me we positive and supportive and even enthusiastic. Some wildly so. That blew my mind.
- Only a few were vocal with disapproval, but many expressed theirs with sneers. I did a damned good job of not letting them get to me.
- Most guys didn’t state or even seem to care. One guy even said “Excuse me, bro” as he passed me.
- Parties where intimate conversation isn’t happening are not my thing. This introvert would prefer to never go to those kinds of gatherings again.
- Dancing was a blast. Much more fun dressed as I was than dressed as a man. And I really danced. Full on shaking it. I let go on the dance floor more than I ever have before. And I did it in heels. Just jamming that point home.
- This provided even more motivation to lose weight.
- I danced with a man for the first time. Had no clue how to follow or what to do. That was interesting.
- Had some pretty flirty comments directed at me. Always fun. I don’t take them seriously if I don’t trust, though.
- My balding/thinning hair makes me sad.
- I trimmed most of my body hair, and shaved a good portion of that. I really like it. May keep a bunch of my body that way, but I have yet to decide.
- I have piss poor boundaries and expectations of how I should be treated when dressing like this. It’s new, I get that. But I let some things happen that weren’t good.
- Putting on my regular man clothes today was disappointing. Lots to process there.
To my friends that helped me put this outfit together, make sure it all fit, helped me pick out makeup; you are some of my favorite humans. Love you. To my friends that talked with me about everything I was doing, who offered supportive words and needed laughs, thank you so much. It all helped me find the courage to do this.
Next time I’ll not write in uber-annoying bullet point format. Mwah!